• May 31, 2025

    There is something that I believe needs to be said about my submission
    It’s best if I keep is straight up, candid and without omission

    Because lately I’m finding that most men today just don’t understand
    That it’s very natural for a submissive to follow and trust a man

    So this is my gentle effort to share my concerns and dilemmas
    To articulate my loves, my preferences, my personal vendettas

    I am naturally submissive, which I often refer to as a curse
    Because submission is a way of life for me, the way I think, the way I live, and become immersed

    Submission is my belief system, a constant need and desire to serve
    It is the way I move, think, and learn

    It’s a terrible way to be in a world that’s evolved into the one we live in
    Because men simply desire sex and moments rather than relationships that come with responsibility or giving

    And so for most of my life I’ve done a crazy little flip flop
    Between ignoring my need to bottom, so instead I top

    I’ve had to reinvent myself to be brave and bold and face situations I prefer to avoid
    This all leads to my ultimate conclusion that submission is a disposition I must continue to ignore

    So as you can see this entire situation is just not what I had planned
    It’s crazy and exhausting out here for a naturally submissive woman who want to serve a man

  • May 25, 2025

    Submission is not about authority and it is not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect. - William Paul Young

    There has never been a quote as simple and as candid as the one above.

    What many refer to a "lifestyle" is indeed my understanding of what it means to be alive...to be woman.

    It is how I think. How I live. How I accept things that happen to me. And unfortunately, my default setting is not very conducive or appropriate for this day and age.

    And it sucks.

    I fall for the ideas and dreams of D/s dynamics, but I've never experienced it beyond a few years, only in snippets and peeks. Never in longevity or consistency.

    And...it sucks.

    I find myself holding back in parts of my life, waiting for protection to pursue dreams because I'm honestly and wholeheartedly concerned with the outcomes with decision that I will need to make. I'm brilliant, but I worry about where that brilliance will take me and most importantly, do I have what it takes to make the tough calls?

    In my public career..life is easy. It is how I feed my kids and keep a roof over our heads. But in my private life...in my moments of being truly me -- a submissive woman, I'm just not confident. I'm just not sure. I'm not ready...at least I don't think I am.

    So my frustration and questions come simply to this: how then, should naturally submissive women live in a world that seemingly lacks naturally dominant men? How do we deal with men who are selfish or demanding and seek this lifestyle only to meet their needs? How do we face men that want all we have but give nothing in return?

    Do I hold off on pursuing certain dreams until a Sir is available to protect and help me? Do I just pursue them anyway and trust the "boss girl movement"?

    I just can't quite figure out the next steps for me. And honestly...thinking about it takes it own kind of toll...

  • May 17, 2025

    I haven't posted recently because there isn't anything exciting going on.

    My lactation journey has come to a pause. I still desire to lactate but the pumping and anxiety of wanting to lactate has started to take a toll. So for sanity and care, I'll wait until I have a Sir to pursue lactating truly. Plus, he will be able to help me navigate the horny bouts that tend to come with pumping appropriately.

    I have had several potential Doms reach out, but most are married and I prefer a monogamous relationship.

    I am using lifestyle websites exclusively to find a match, because my hope is that my next relationship is my last relationship.

  • April 26, 2025

    Things change so quicky - don't they? I mean one day you are being adored and pursued. The next... it's so quiet that you can literally hear yourself breathe.

    And that's the problem with the lifestyle for submissives. We have to do this constant dance.

    Give a little, trust a little, see it feels safe - then hope he is. About 99.8% are not safe, but if you don't do that dance, you can never fully see if he's the right one.

    I had the great idea and courage to post an ad on FetLife seeking a local Dom that also had an adult breastfeeding kink. Naturally, I got responses of all kinds.

    Connected with a few, shared some pics, did the dance. But all was mute and turned up no real life connections or compatiblity.

    And I have to struggle to pull myself together, because again. Submission isn't a choice for me. To find a suitable partner I have to dance. Give a little, trust a little, see if it feels safe - then hope he is.

    And when he isn't, I have to move into the self-care phase. The self-soothing that we learn. Be sure it's self-soothing and not bitterness or anger or distrust. Be sure its self-soothing and not giving up or walking away from what we dream and need. Be sure it's self-soothing that doesn't impact your personality and willingness to be open to a relationship.

    It's honestly emotionally and mentally taxing.

    Thankfully, writing helps me process and deal. But geez! It's so very draining. So very draining indeed.

  • April 18, 2025

    My Sir is tough. I'm not sure if he's overly tough or if I'm overly sensitive.

    I feel like I've gone through great lengths to meet his needs, but sometimes I struggle with thinking I have done just that.

    For example, I want to talk as often as possible. Communication and connection are a huge deal to me. However, I believe he is on the other side of that. He prefers I request permission to call him, only wants to touch base when "big things happen", etc.

    Perhaps a slave with no rights or requests is more along the lines of what he seeks. I just believe that if the relationship is only satisfying to him emotionally and physically...is it even a relationship at all? Maybe that is exactly what he wants...a useless, sexual pleasure giver that gets nothing in return.

    Admittedly, all of these uncertainties have made me kinda withdraw a bit. As horrid as that sounds. But I think most submissives deal with this at some point. As an animated and full-of-life person, if I have to control my communication or expressions, I tend to simply not share them or hinder them. Over time, it makes me feel sad and odd. So at this point, I'm honestly not sure if My Sir is the right Sir. But I think he's incredible and at times says the most sweet things to me. Only time will tell.

    As for as I am concerned before any dynamic there is a relationship and if that relationship isn't solid, the dynamic will also fumble. So time will tell.

    On the exciting side - my breast pump has arrived and I'm excited to truly begin my lactating journey! It feels so good to pump and is very arousing to me.

  • April 9, 2025

    We live in a world that promotes and pushes women to be independent. To look after themselves. To self-soothe, prioritize self-care, and demand respect. We live in a world that is often uncomfortable for women like me. It isn't that we do not want all those things, but rather that we desire all those things with the care and protection of a man.

    For women like me, men represent safety, consistency, and protection.

    For many, many years, I believed that my need and desire to be looked after emotionally, physically, and mentally was a burden. I felt like these requirements I subconsciously placed on my mate were selfish and self-absorbed.

    So I learned to do what all women learn to do in the 21st century. I sucked it up. Learned to walk around without armor and tried to find ways to be proactive rather than reactive in my life in every aspect, including finances and relationships. And it sucks.

    It sucks for a variety of reasons but the one that sticks out most is that the sex is just not satisfying. As a submissive, I want to give and serve and offer my body to him. But in vanilla, you end up with self-lovers and never getting an orgasm.

    But all that's different now for me.

    I share my emotions, express my feelings, and...it's making all the difference.

  • April 7, 2025

    I learned something new about my relationship with my Sir last night.

    I learned that he chose me and, most importantly, was intent on keeping me for the long haul.

    To fully understand this notion, I feel like we have to go allllll the way back to the very beginning of my submission.

    All submissives experience a handful of emotions when we realize there is an entire community that can scratch the itch we've felt all our lives. We deal with everything from sub frenzy to sub drop and the madness in between. We also deal with a host of terms and "arrangement" options. One that I was faced with early on was that I (as the submissive) had to choose my Dom, my Sir, my Master. Then once I choose him, all would be perfect, and I could live in a worry-free bubble as he handled it all.

    That is not the actual reality of submission. But that's another topic altogether.

    What I learned from this crazy choice I had to make was that he also had to choose me. And THAT was the challenge.

    I chose a few Doms, and here's how that chaos looked.

    One was a Dom who was in some sort of complicated poly relationship, and I had to enter into the arrangement at the bottom. That was a hard no. He really should've led with that instead of wasting my time.

    Another was a Dom mentor. He was great until he wasn't, as his other full-time submissive sent me a message to warn that he was fooling around with super young girls and in jail for it (which is why I had not heard from him and he disappeared unexpectedly). I never spoke to him again. We subs gotta stick together, and I'm forever thankful for her.

    So as you can see, a pattern emerged. I was willing and able to chose my Dom. But he also had to chose me in the way I needed and desired.

    Which brings us back to last night when I had a complete meltdown. I mean tears running down my face, snot clogging my nose, and eyes swollen. After speaking with me and dealing with my little tude around the whole situation, my Sir realizes I'm broken up and dealing with something beyond us.

    He stops everything and simply asks, "What's wrong?".

    I tell him I'm fine. I'm always fine and I would work on the tasks he had requested prior.

    Again, he stops everything and demands to know what is wrong. He explains that this is an unacceptable situation. Me crying. Me being hurt. Him not doing his job to love and cherish me, and how it makes him upset. He explains that something is off and that we have to fix it.

    Can you believe that?

    Never in all my submissive journey has a Dom ever, and I mean EVER, taken blame for my emotional "outside world" tears.

    And in that moment, I fold. I collapse further into my breakdown and tears to share exactly how my day went. I go into a "tattle tale" mode and dump it all on him.

    He listens and then provides direction on how we are going to navigate my emotions and situations like this in the future. He builds me up, fixes my mindset, and helps me find the appropriate footing so my little emotions don't take me out the next time. It was quick, thorough, and dignified. It was a beautiful interaction with my Dom that made me want to give him everything that I am, sexually, emotionally, and physically. Pleasing him has a direct correlation to these moments. And I finally understand how profound that is.

    And last night was absolutely and undeniably the most romantic and sweet interaction I have had with a man.

    And that is why I kept pursuing a D/s relationship, because this feeling is...everything.

    April 4, 2025

    My BDSM test results for your kinky pleasure:

    == Results from bdsmtest.org: ==

    100% Rope bunny

    100% Submissive

    76% Masochist

    70% Experimentalist

    69% Little

    66% Vanilla

    62% Primal (Prey)

    59% Brat

    47% Voyeur

    38% Slave

    33% Exhibitionist

    13% Pet

    7% Ageplayer

    3% Non-monogamist

    0% Daddy/Mommy

    0% Rigger

    0% Brat tamer

    0% Degrader

    0% Dominant

    0% Degradee

    0% Master/Mistress

    0% Owner

    0% Primal (Hunter)

    0% Sadist

    0% Switch

    May 3, 2020

    My BDSM test results for your kinky pleasure five year ago:

    == Results from bdsmtest.org: ==

    100% Submissive

    100% Rope bunny

    97% Brat

    88% Slave

    88% Little

    74% Masochist

    74% Ageplayer

    61% Primal (Prey)

    57% Experimentalist

    49% Vanilla

    42% Pet

    30% Degradee

    27% Voyeur

    19% Exhibitionist

    2% Brat tamer

    1% Daddy/Mommy

    0% Primal (Hunter)

    0% Rigger

    0% Dominant

    0% Degrader

    0% Owner

    0% Master/Mistress

    0% Sadist

    0% Non-monogamist

    0% Switch

    May 3, 2020

    My BDSM test results for your kinky pleasure five year ago:

    == Results from bdsmtest.org: ==

    100% Submissive

    100% Rope bunny

    97% Brat

    88% Slave

    88% Little

    74% Masochist

    74% Ageplayer

    61% Primal (Prey)

    57% Experimentalist

    49% Vanilla

    42% Pet

    30% Degradee

    27% Voyeur

    19% Exhibitionist

    2% Brat tamer

    1% Daddy/Mommy

    0% Primal (Hunter)

    0% Rigger

    0% Dominant

    0% Degrader

    0% Owner

    0% Master/Mistress

    0% Sadist

    0% Non-monogamist

    0% Switch

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